At 2:45 p.m., I decided I wasn’t going to keep this up and asked if Jasmine would check again to see if the dilation had advanced. Unfortunately, I only had 4 centimeters. We did decide that Jasmine would break the membranes in the hope that it would go a little faster. She did. The amniotic fluid was clear mixed with a little blood. Now I was sure I would hold you in my arms today. Still, because I could barely take the pain anymore and even screamed at it, I decided I wanted an epidural. Then no home birth. After all, it could last until late and I wasn’t going to keep this up. Because of the corona crisis, Tergooi did not place epidurals. Jasmine then had to call other hospitals to see if they did this there and if they had room. The Meander was full. Then she called the AMC; luckily there was room here and they did place epidurals. So that’s where we went. By now, due to all the calling, it was 3:30 p.m. when we left home. In the car ride, which took about 20-25 minutes, Mom had as many as 15 contractions. The car ride was very hard and the contractions seemed to get more and more painful. The idea that I only had 4 centimeters gave me panic. Around 4 p.m. we were at the AMC. We were allowed in through the emergency room entrance. There stood a very friendly doorman. The latter saw me in the wheelchair blowing away contractions and screaming, and he decided to take us inside to the delivery rooms. The porter I believe thought I was going to give birth on the spot, so he started walking faster and faster. That was pretty funny. At 4:10 p.m. we were in the delivery rooms. There, Mom had to get the CTG first to make sure you were completely in good health before I could get the epidural. Because the contractions were so intense, I asked if Jasmine wanted to feel again how far dilation was now. At 4:30 p.m. it turned out that I had almost 10 centimeters! That was really, really fast. No wonder the contractions were so painful and came so often. Since I was already about to go into labor, I could no longer have an epidural. I really thought that was a disappointment at the time, but was of course very good news! At 4:45 p.m. I had push urges and was allowed to start pushing. We started pushing on the birthing stool. Dad sat behind me and I leaned into his arms. The push contractions were slightly less painful than the dilation contractions, but I still found it hard work. I really had to mentally flip the switch and push through the pain. Your heart rate stayed nice and steady the whole time. I wasn’t worried about you at all. I felt that we were going to do this together and that you would be core healthy. At 5:15 p.m., Jasmine suggested we continue pressing on the bed. I was on my hands and knees on the bed, squeezing each contraction as hard as I could to push you down. I was just motivating myself to push through the pain; after all, that was the only way you could be born. That also worked out better and better. During the contraction I asked if Dad would push very hard on my lower back, that helped a little against the pain. 5:50pm Jasmine guaranteed me that your head really did come deeper and suggested we get back on the birthing stool. We did. I felt with my own hands your head inside me. I knew it would not be long, but that I would have to try very hard for a while. I could also look in on the mirror and see a small piece of your head with a little bit of hair. That motivated enormously. At 6:03 p.m. with one last push contraction, you were born. What an indescribable feeling. Mom could only cry and was so proud that we had succeeded. The umbilical cord was once loose around your neck. You were born with your eyes open and were immediately placed in Mom’s arms. It took a while for you to cry, but you did so well right away. We didn’t know if you would be a boy or girl, although I had such a strong feeling throughout the pregnancy that you were a boy. We were allowed to look: you were a boy. Immediately so much love. I was in Daddy’s arms, you were in my arms. I couldn’t feel happier. I can proudly say in retrospect that this is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. For me, all the clichés are true. It is primal. It is pure. It’s raw. It is intense. It is nature. We women can do this. Dare to trust it.