There I am, the relaxing music in the background, the strong contractions every few minutes, but it feels good, the atmosphere is nice, the people, the music. Nicolette continues to speak motivationally, telling me that she thinks I am doing well and expresses confidence in me and in the process. I turn inward, take deep breaths with each contraction, as far down in my belly as I can, and exhale for a very long time. Between contractions, I do the same thing. With each contraction, I find myself doubting myself inside. Doubt that I can do it. Doubt distracts, I catch the contractions, but not constructively. I notice that everything in my body is turning upward, toward my head. I experience this moment consciously and call a halt to myself. I address myself, “I trust my body can deliver,” “I can do this,” and with each contraction “baby, we can do this together, come soon little darling, how I love you. I experience very consciously – and I find this magical – that everything in my body turns downward. It is magical to be allowed to experience very consciously the power of my mind and thoughts. I feel it in my belly, the contractions are more painful. I feel the contractions doing their work.
Nicolette agrees with me that she wants to examine me internally at 10:10 pm. I am examined and appear to be almost there. How nice. Nicolette also indicates that I have several more contractions to go. The contractions come and go. ‘I am stronger than the contraction,’ I tell myself. I am beginning to notice that when I give light pressure downward, it feels very nice. I also indicate that I actually want to push. Spinning on all fours, I give everything I have. It feels nice. I press, thinking it would take a while, but after a few minutes I hear that he is coming. I am so in my focus, focused on the instructions, until I hear that he is there. I look under me and there he is, our Julius.
What I have learned is to trust my body, believe in myself and be allowed to feel my own power. For what power we have within ourselves!